Ever since I decided to take up the art of cycling (2 days ago) the skilful balancing act required to take get my keys out while preventing my shins from being skinned by a 15 year old bike pedal has meant it’s taken me a little longer to get back into my house every day.
This extra few seconds of doorstep time has given me the opportunity to examine my window sill. On which I counted at least seven dead plants, as well as a brand new sapling Chilli plant looking ominously out of place in the botanical mass-grave that welcomed visitors to our home. It was a bit like serial killer’s most recent prisoner sitting terrified in his cage amongst the bones of pervious victims.
At first I felt guilty; that mine and my housemate’s inability to care for flora made us bad people and worse than that, typical students.
But then I began to think about how unbelievably difficult it actually is to take care of a plant. According to everyone I asked (one person but she’s a) a girl b)a girl aged over 25 and c)has at least two plants, neither of which has died in over a month) these are the rules of plant maintenance:
1) Water your plant regularly or it will die
2) But don’t water your plant every day or it will die
3) Or every other day or it might die
4) But don’t leave it too long or it will die
5) You can’t tell when your plant needs water by looking at it as if you can tell by looking at it then it’s probably too late and its going to die
6) Don’t water your plant with too much water or it will die
7) Don’t leave it where it’s too sunny or it will die
8) But don’t leave it out of the sun or it will die.
What the bloody hell? Actual real live babies are easier to take care of than that. I mean granted with babies the stakes are a lot higher and they don’t provide as much oxygen, but at least they cry when they need something, and I bet even babies look pretty peaky long before things get really bad.
So there you go. Don’t get a Peace lily or a Swiss Cheese Plant, get a baby instead.
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